This week someone close to me was deemed to be no-longer depressed by the medical profession. However they were deemed to be still suffering from anxiety and low self esteem so their medication was increased. It started me thinking that there must be some information and knowledge out there that can help support the lack of self confidence that leads to low self esteem and anxiety. What I found was a wealth of information so I can’t include it all in one blog but below is a précis or snapshot of some of the most helpful stuff.
Quotes from Web to success...
‘We’d all like to be more confident, right? It helps us manage our fears and makes us better able to tackle challenges and change. It increases our performance, happiness, and social ease as well as our health. I’m not naturally confident, but I’ve taught myself to be, in situations where I really need it.’
‘Self-confidence is an important area of self-awareness. Self-confidence is having a strong sense of our own self-worth, and not relying on others for validation of our self. Self-confidence can be improved through positive thinking and self-awareness (surprise!) The first step is to believe that we deserve to be confident.’
‘We shouldn’t compare ourselves to others. We’re individual with different values and skills. There will always be people better and worse than us. We must be grateful for what we have. We should always be comfortable in our own skin not only what we look like but what’s underneath as well. If we have any insecurities, we should deal with them. If we focus on others, then we lose focus on what we should be doing.’
The concept of self-confidence, as commonly used, is self-assurance in one's personal judgment, ability, power; etc increased self-confidence comes from experiences of mastering particular things. It’s a positive belief that in the future we can accomplish what we want to do. Self-confidence is not the same as self-esteem, which is an evaluation of our own worth; whereas self-confidence is specifically trust in our ability to achieve something. In the end, both amount to the same thing,
25 Killer Actions to Boost Your Self-Confidence By Leo Babauta
One of the things that held me back from pursuing my dreams for many years was fear of failure … and the lack of self-confidence that I needed to overcome that fear. It’s something we all face, to some degree, I think. The key question: how do you overcome that fear?
By working on your self-confidence and self-esteem. Without really thinking of it in those terms, that’s what I’ve been doing over the years, and that’s what helped me finally overcome my fears, and finally pursue my dreams.
I still have those fears, undoubtedly. But now I know that I can beat them, that I can break through that wall of fear and come out on the other side. I’ve done it many times now, and that success will fuel further success.
Taking control of your self-confidence
If you are low in self-confidence, is it possible to do things that will change that? Is your self-confidence in your control? While it may not seem so, if you are low in self-confidence, I strongly believe that you can do things to increase your self-confidence. It is not genetic, and you do not have to be reliant on others to increase your self-confidence. And if you believe that you are not very competent, not very smart, not very attractive, etc. … that can be changed.
You can do this by taking control of your life, and taking control of your self-confidence. By taking concrete actions that improve your competence, your self-image, you can increase that self-confidence, without the help of anyone else.
Below, I outline 25 things that will help you do that. None of them are revolutionary, none of them will do it all by themselves. The list certainly isn’t comprehensive. These are just some of my favorite things, stuff that’s worked for me.
And you don’t need to do all of them, as if this were a recipe … pick and choose those that appeal to you, maybe just a couple at first, and give them a try. If they work, try others. If they don’t, try others.
Here they are, in no particular order:
1. Groom yourself.
2. Dress nicely.
3. Photoshop your self-image.
4. Think positive.
5. Kill negative thoughts.
6. Get to know yourself.
7. Act positive.
8. Be kind and generous.
9. Get prepared.
10. Know your principles and live them.
11. Speak slowly.
12. Stand tall.
13. Increase competence.
14. Set a small goal and achieve it.
15. Change a small habit.
16. Focus on solutions.
19. Be grateful.
21. Empower yourself with knowledge.
22. Do something you’ve been procrastinating on.
23. Get active.
24. Work on small things.
25. Clear your desk.
To read the detail on each of these click through to the full article...
Building Self-Confidence. Preparing Yourself for Success!
From the quietly confident doctor whose advice we rely on, to the charismatic confidence of an inspiring speaker, self-confident people have qualities that everyone admires.
Self-confidence is extremely important in almost every aspect of our lives, yet so many people struggle to find it. Sadly, this can be a vicious circle: people who lack self-confidence can find it difficult to become successful.
After all, most people are reluctant to back a project that's being pitched by someone who was nervous, fumbling, and overly apologetic.
On the other hand, you might be persuaded by someone who speaks clearly, who holds his or her head high, who answers questions assuredly, and who readily admits when he or she does not know something.
Confident people inspire confidence in others: their audience, their peers, their bosses, their customers, and their friends. And gaining the confidence of others is one of the key ways in which a self-confident person finds success.
The good news is that self-confidence really can be learned and built on. And, whether you’re working on your own confidence or building the confidence of people around you, it’s well-worth the effort!
How Confident do you Seem to Others?
Your level of self-confidence can show in many ways: your behavior, your body language, how you speak, what you say, and so on. Look at the following comparisons of common confident behavior with behavior associated with low self-confidence. Which thoughts or actions do you recognise in yourself and people around you?
As you can see from these examples, low self-confidence can be self-destructive, and it often manifests itself as negativity. Confident people are generally more positive – they believe in themselves and their abilities, and they also believe in living life to the full.
What is Self-Confidence?
Two main things contribute to self-confidence: self-efficacy and self-esteem.
We gain a sense of self-efficacy when we see ourselves (and others similar to ourselves) mastering skills and achieving goals that matter in those skill areas. This is the confidence that, if we learn and work hard in a particular area, we'll succeed; and it's this type of confidence that leads people to accept difficult challenges, and persist in the face of setbacks.
This overlaps with the idea of self-esteem, which is a more general sense that we can cope with what's going on in our lives, and that we have a right to be happy. Partly, this comes from a feeling that the people around us approve of us, which we may or may not be able to control. However, it also comes from the sense that we are behaving virtuously, that we're competent at what we do, and that we can compete successfully when we put our minds to it.
Some people believe that self-confidence can be built with affirmations and positive thinking.
So how do you build this sense of balanced self-confidence, founded on a firm appreciation of reality? The bad news is that there’s no quick fix, or five-minute solution. The good news is that becoming more confident is readily achievable, just as long as you have the focus and determination to carry things through. And what’s even better is that the things you’ll do to build your self-confidence will also build success – after all, your confidence will come from real, solid achievement. No-one can take this away from you!
So here are our three steps to self-confidence, for which we’ll use the metaphor of a journey: preparing for your journey; setting out; and accelerating towards success.
Step 1: Preparing for Your Journey
The first step involves getting yourself ready for your journey to self-confidence. In preparing for your journey, do these five things:
Look at What You've Already Achieved Think about your life so far, and list the ten best things you've achieved in an "Achievement Log."
Think About Your Strengths Take a look at who and where you are. Looking at your Achievement Log, and reflecting on your recent life, think about what your friends would consider to be your strengths and weaknesses.
Think About What's Important to You, and Where you Want to Go Next, think about the things that are really important to you, and what you want to achieve with your life. Setting and achieving goals is a key part of this, and real confidence comes from this.
And having set the major goals in your life, identify the first step in each. Make sure it’s a very small step, perhaps taking no more than an hour to complete!
Start Managing Your Mind At this stage, you need to start managing your mind. Learn to pick up and defeat the negative self-talk which can destroy your confidence.
And Then Commit Yourself to Success! The final part of preparing for the journey is to make a clear and unequivocal promise to yourself that you are absolutely committed to your journey, and that you will do all in your power to achieve it.
Step 2: Setting Out
This is where you start, ever so slowly, moving towards your goal. By doing the right things, and starting with small, easy wins, you’ll put yourself on the path to success – and start building the self-confidence that comes with this.
Build the Knowledge you Need to Succeed Looking at your goals, identify the skills you’ll need to achieve them. And then look at how you can acquire these skills confidently and well. Focus on the Basics When you’re starting, don’t try to do anything clever or elaborate. And don’t reach for perfection – just enjoy doing simple things successfully and well.
Set Small Goals, and Achieve Them Starting with the very small goals you identified in step 1, get in the habit of setting them, achieving them, and celebrating that achievement. And, little by little, start piling up the successes!
Keep Managing Your Mind Stay on top of that positive thinking, keep celebrating and enjoying success, and keep those mental images strong.
Step 3: Accelerating Towards Success
By this stage, you’ll feel your self-confidence building. This is the time to start stretching yourself. Make the goals a bit bigger, and the challenges a bit tougher. Increase the size of your commitment. And extend the skills you’ve proven into new, but closely related arenas.
Self-confidence is extremely important in almost every aspect of our lives, and people who lack it can find it difficult to become successful.
Two main things contribute to self-confidence: self-efficacy and self-esteem. You can develop it with the three steps..
Goal setting is probably the most important activity that you can learn in order to improve your self-confidence.
The full article can be found here...
This is from another article on the same site....
Do you lack confidence and self-belief?
Suffering from low confidence and self-worth can be debilitating, but the good news is that they both can be developed with the help of confidence coaching. When you start, the first thing to do is understand your current level of self-esteem. You then have a base to build upon, gradually increasing your self-worth and confidence over time until they become deeply ingrained facets of your personality.
Self-esteem and self-confidence are thought to be made up of a number of factors. These include: physical presence, social confidence, status confidence, peer independence, and stage presence. Your behaviour, your body language, how you react to different situations and how you speak can depict your confidence levels and the amount of belief you have in yourself. Confident people are typically more positive about themselves, whereas those who lack confidence often think negatively and could benefit from confidence coaching.
If you are lacking self-belief and confidence you may feel:
uneasy and shy
uncertain of what you want and who you are
a sense of worthlessness
negative thoughts about your abilities and yourself in general
you are unable to enjoy and relax in situations that you’d like to
As if you haven’t got a sense of direction in life.
On the other hand, if you are full of self-belief and confidence you may feel:
greater enjoyment of life in general
comfortable when facing new challenges
excited about new opportunities
confident about your opinions and ideas
a great sense of achievement
respected by other people
at ease in social situations
able to be yourself
Sure of yourself and what you want.
Both self-worth and confidence can be developed through confidence coaching either by yourself or with a professional. It may, however, take some time to build upon your current confidence levels.
If you truly believe in yourself, so will others. Deeply ingrained confidence and self-worth will make life more enjoyable, exciting and satisfying.
Self-belief or self-confidence
Self-belief or self-confidence are thought to be the way that you feel about your skills, abilities, looks and behaviours. A person who has high confidence levels may learn things quickly, trust that they can complete tasks to a good standard or appear attractive to others. By definition, self-confidence means to have faith in or trust yourself.
However, confidence can also be described as the way that we project ourselves to others. We don't have to truly feel confident in our abilities, looks or capabilities in order to appear confident to others. Many people can portray an image to others of complete confidence while shaking with fear on the inside. This is a protection method used by many to cover up for a lack of self-esteem or other feelings about themselves that they would rather not acknowledge or show.
Self-worth or self-esteem
Self-worth or self-esteem describe the way that you feel about yourself regardless of your looks, achievements, or other things you may feel confident in. It is closely associated with pride in yourself and the amount of self-respect you have. If you have high self-esteem you are typically happy in your own skin and you have a good opinion of yourself.
Self-esteem relates to the way we compare ourselves with others. This can cover a number of things such as whether we think we are as intelligent, attractive, loveable, successful or worthy as others.
Having low self-esteem can really affect your mood. Feeling that you are worth less than others may lead you to strive for perfection but never feel you have achieved enough. If you suffer with low self-worth or low self-esteem you may feel depressed, low, guilty, and you might try to prove your worth to others. You also may avoid situations that could cause anxiety or challenges you feel you cannot to cope with.
Self-image can be explained as a mixture of the self-esteem and confidence. It encompasses the impressions you have of yourself, covering things like looks, abilities, skills, sex, age, successes, career, intelligence and more. It also covers the impression you have of yourself and how you feel about yourself.
If you distinctly lack confidence at work more than other areas of life and do not believe you warrant the success you have achieved, you might have imposter syndrome.
Imposter syndrome is when you cannot seem to internalise your accomplishments. The persistent feeling of inadequacy may haunt you, even though there is definitive proof that your achievements are the result of hard work and talent. You may experience feelings of intellectual fraudulence and severe self-doubt.
You will feel like you aren’t a competent, successful individual, you are instead imposing as such. ‘Imposter’ feelings can come in many forms, but they tend to fit in the following three categories:
Feeling like a fake You may feel like you have deceived others into thinking that you are more competent that you are. You don’t think you deserve your professional position or success. This is typically coupled with the fear of being ‘found out’.
Your success is attributed to luck You may have a tendency to feel all of your success is down to luck or another external variable, rather than your skills and perseverance.
Downplaying success Oftentimes when you achieve things that others congratulate you for, you will discount your own success. You may feel that the achievement itself could have been accomplished by anyone.
The benefits of a positive mental attitude
There are plenty of ways to improve your self-confidence. Some may work better for you than others. Yet the main thing to remember is that you need to truly believe in yourself in order to start making the changes you strive for. If you lead with positive thoughts then you are more likely to accomplish your goals. This can be seen in medical miracles, successful sports people and in children who are usually more open about their self-belief.
Most improvement techniques for self-confidence are based around the power of the mind and body to work together in order to achieve the results you are looking for. A positive mental attitude will help you overcome many obstacles by enabling you to do things with the incredible power of your mind.
In contrast, a negative attitude will create negative actions feelings, results and low confidence levels.
The beauty of any technique based on a positive mental attitude is that you don’t need to know the outcome of an action in order to be able to do it, you simply need to believe you can do it and your body will loyally follow. This may not always happen straight away and will take a lot of practise but is a proven technique that can produce results.
Confidence building tips
Here are five ways to help build your confidence. You can use these between life coach sessions, or on your own.
1. Try to remove negativity from your life If you are constantly doubting yourself, you might have to evaluate your inner circle of friends and family. It can be tough, but if people are the cause of your lack of confidence, you may have to let them go. Even a temporary break can offer a real positive step towards confidence building.
2. Change your body language You can slowly start confidence building by changing your body language. This starts with your posture, eye contact and smiling. A simple smile with your shoulders back emanates confidence. Smiling will not only make others more comfortable around you, it can make you feel better too. Try to imagine a person who is smiling with good posture - this person looks self-confident.
3. Avoid accepting failure Don’t give up and accept failure. You are able to find a solution in nearly everything, so why would you want to throw in the towel? Succeeding through perseverance can be one of the best confidence boosters.
4. Be prepared Whatever you are facing next, learn everything there is to know about the subject. If you are prepared and knowledgeable, you will be self-confident.
5. For particularly tough instances, create lists Sometimes life can get too much for us and makes it really difficult to keep up our self-belief. If this happens, try sitting down and make a list of all the things you are grateful for in your life, and a separate list of all the things you are proud of accomplishing (no matter how small). Once complete, pin the lists up somewhere you will regularly see them. This will remind you what a great life you already lead - it can be especially powerful when your self-confidence is waning.
QUOTES on self confidence...
“You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection” Buddha
“Until you value yourself, you won’t value your time. Until you value your time, you will not do anything with it. ” M. Scott Peck
“Love yourself first and everything else falls into line. You really have to love yourself to get anything done in this world.” Lucille Ball
“If only you could sense how important you are to the lives of those you meet; how important you can be to people you may never even dream of. There is something of yourself that you leave at every meeting with another person.” Fred Rogers
“Low self-esteem is like driving through life with your hand-break on.” Maxwell Maltz
“When you recover or discover something that nourishes your soul and brings joy, care enough about yourself to make room for it in your life.” Jean Shinoda Bolen
“Self-care is never a selfish act—it is simply good stewardship of the only gift I have, the gift I was put on earth to offer to others.” Parker Palmer
“Why should we worry about what others think of us, do we have more confidence in their opinions than we do our own?” Brigham Young
“To establish true self-esteem we must concentrate on our successes and forget about the failures and the negatives in our lives.” Denis Waitley
“A healthy self-love means we have no compulsion to justify to ourselves or others why we take vacations, why we sleep late, why we buy new shoes, why we spoil ourselves from time to time. We feel comfortable doing things which add quality and beauty to life.” Andrew Matthews
“Don’t rely on someone else for your happiness and self-worth. Only you can be responsible for that. If you can’t love and respect yourself – no one else will be able to make that happen. Accept who you are – completely; the good and the bad – and make changes as YOU see fit – not because you think someone else wants you to be different.” Stacey Charter
“Too many people overvalue what they are not and undervalue what they are.” Malcolm S. Forbes
“Whatever course you decide upon, there is always someone to tell you that you are wrong. There are always difficulties arising which tempt you to believe that your critics are right. To map out a course of action and follow it to an end requires courage.” Ralph Waldo Emerson
“Never bend your head. Always hold it high. Look the world straight in the face.” Helen Keller
“You have been criticizing yourself for years, and it hasn’t worked. Try approving of yourself and see what happens.” Louise L. Hay
“Be faithful to that which exists within yourself.” André Gide
“Act as if what you do makes a difference. It does.” William James
“No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” Eleanor Roosevelt
“I think everybody’s weird. We should all celebrate our individuality and not be embarrassed or ashamed of it.” Johnny Depp
“People who want the most approval get the least and the people who need approval the least get the most.” Wayne Dyer
“It’s surprising how many persons go through life without ever recognizing that their feelings toward other people are largely determined by their feelings toward themselves, and if you’re not comfortable within yourself, you can’t be comfortable with others.” Sidney J. Harris
“The best day of your life is the one on which you decide your life is your own. No apologies or excuses. No one to lean on, rely on, or blame. The gift is yours – it is an amazing journey – and you alone are responsible for the quality of it. This is the day your life really begins.” Bob Moawad
“Self-pity gets you nowhere. One must have the adventurous daring to accept oneself as a bundle of possibilities and undertake the most interesting game in the world making the most of one’s best.” Harry Emerson Fosdick
Confidence is a tool you can use in your everyday life to do all kinds of cool stuff, not least to stop second-guessing yourself, manage your fears and become able to do more of the things that really matter to you.
But not many people realise that their self-confidence works just like a muscle – it grows in response to the level of performance required of it. Either you use it or you lose it. That’s why I’ve given you 63 ways to grow your confidence so that you can become a giant.
1. Stop constantly comparing yourself to others
It is easy in the age of digital media, to be constantly bombarded with snapshots of other people’s ideal lives. Scrolling through your Facebook newsfeed it is hard not to feel discouraged when you see photos of friends on tropical vacations, eating Thai from your favorite restaurant or effortless looking stylish with some of the latest fashion trends. Remind yourself that what may appear on the surface is not the entire picture and comparing yourself to them is not only inaccurate, but a waste of time.
2. Begin with changing what you can control
It is important to really look at your insecurities and estimate if you can realistically change what you dislike about yourself. If it is something physical, like losing weight, create a plan that is reasonable for your abilities and then take baby steps towards your goals. If your lack of confidence is psychological, it is important to look into why you feel this way, possibly with the help of a close friend or professional help in the form of a therapist. If you feel like you have trouble speaking up for instance, pinpoint a moment in your day when you feel like you should stand up for yourself and then encourage yourself to do so. It will be hard in the beginning, but after awhile it will be easier.
3. Fake it until you make it
It can be very hard to confront your own moments of insecurity and try to act confident when you really feel like you would rather magically disappear from the situation. It is important in moments like these to pretend to have confidence, even when you feel like it is the last thing that defines you. A helpful tip is to go into a private space and put your hands on your hips, with your feet spread apart. This is called the superwoman/man stance and has been proven to help individuals gain more confidence through body language.
4. Remind yourself that the loudest voice in the room is not always the person that has the most confidence
In Western culture we are taught that the volume of your voice is equivalent to a person’s level of confidence. This is not always true because it can just be a way for someone to be mask their own feelings of insecurity. It is important to remember that if you speak with an even tone and do not ask for validation in the form of a question when you speak, then you can still be seen as a confident person. If you are quiet because you lack confidence, practice speaking in front of a mirror every day by yourself and find a tone of voice that you feel comfortable with. Say positive affirmations to yourself and pretty soon you will start believing them.
5. Push any doubts about yourself to the back of your mind
Everyone, no matter how confident they may seem, has something that they do not like about themselves. The difference between people who appear confident is that they focus on their strengths and not their weaknesses. When you hear the little voice of doubt in your head, practice replacing those doubts with things that you excel in. It may be hard at first, but remember practice makes progress.
6. Stay diligent and consistent in building a more confident version of yourself
It’s important to remember that change takes time and consistent effort. If you don’t feel like you are making progress in a larger scale, focus on smaller accomplishments. One way to notice change is by keeping a record of each day and writing down what you feel you accomplished. Looking back on each day, week and month you will start to notice improvement.
7. Find a solid support group
When focusing on confidence-building it’s important to have a group of friends, romantic partners and family that are 100 percent behind your goals. If you have anyone who is toxic to your self-improvement and will not support you, then it is important to talk with them about this. Sit down with them face to face and explain how you feel or write them a heartfelt email. If they are still not supportive, then maybe it’s in your best interest to discontinue the relationship.
Confident people Don’t...
I think some people confuse self-confidence with having a big ego. It’s almost like they think that if they love themselves, then other people will think that they are stuck-up and unlikable. I couldn’t disagree more. I always say that truly confident people don’t need to go around telling people how great they are because they don’t need to. People automatically notice their greatness from their positive behavior. Here are things that highly confident people just don’t do:
1. They don’t judge or make fun of other people.
When someone is confident, they want you to be confident too. Confident people are loving people. They want to lift you up, not tear you down.
2. They don’t seek attention for the sake of attention.
They may have an outgoing, life-of-the-party personality, or they might be quiet and shy. But even if an extrovert has high self-confidence, they don’t need the attention. They are fine if they receive it, but they don’t go actively seeking outside validation because they have already validated themselves. And that’s all they need.
3. They don’t brag about their accomplishments.
Confident people are proud of their accomplishments. And they truly want to help people. But they do the things they do because they have passion for it. They don’t have a “Look at me! Look how awesome I am!” attitude.
4. They don’t spread negative energy.
People want to be around them. They ooze positive energy. Contrary to the “energy vampires” of the world who do nothing but suck the life out of you, confident people add to you; they don’t take away.
5. They don’t only talk about themselves.
Confident people are genuinely concerned about others, not just themselves. They ask questions. They offer suggestion and advice if they are asked. They make conversations and relationships a two-way street.
6. They don’t over-complicate things.
They don’t make mountains out of mole hills. Confident people try to act calmly and rationally for the best of all concerned. Sometimes that includes simplifying things so that problems can be solved with a “team” mentality, not a “me vs. you” mentality.
7. They don’t focus on what they don’t want.
If you only focus on what you don’t want, you’re only going to get more of what you don’t want. Confident people know that. They look at the bright side and have a grateful heart. They set goals, hold up a positive vision of their desire, and then they take action and go after it.
8. They don’t act full of themselves.
Confident people never project an attitude. Instead, they project kindness and warmth. They smile and laugh. They want you to feel good about yourself, instead of telling you how great they are.
9. They don’t break their word.
When someone breaks their word, it disappoints other people. Confident people know this. They don’t want other people to feel bad. Their intention is to lift up other people, so they make sure they do everything they can to do what they say they are going to do.
10. They don’t shy away from failure.
Highly confident people know that there really is no such thing as failure. There are only learning opportunities. And when the failures, or learning opportunities, come along, they know that they will be better for it. They don’t judge themselves negatively. They simply say, “thank you for the lesson” and move on.
11. They don’t waste time on things that don’t matter.
Confident people know what really matters in life. People matter. They prioritize time to spend with loved ones because it’s what life is all about. They also don’t sweat the small things. They put things into perspective and have an appreciation for everything.
12. They don’t focus on the negative.
Generally speaking, confident people are optimists. They are happy. They look at what is good, not what is bad. They focus on what can go right, not what can go wrong. They don’t dwell in negativity. Instead, they see the positives in every situation.