Emotional Intelligence

Take a look at this picture. Does this feel like a battle you’re constantly fighting? Your heart and your mind in a tug of war, splitting you in half.....why can’t we use our intellect, I.Q. and our emotions in harmony? Well actually we can! If we learn to be emotionally intelligent.

This topic is so important for our potential to be successful at whatever we do, that I’m not going to waste time on too much time on pre-amble. Suffice to say this is a topic we should all put some of our precious time and effort into getting better at.

Definition... Emotional intelligence (EI) or emotional quotient (EQ) is the capability of individuals to recognize their own, and other people's emotions, to discriminate between different feelings and label them appropriately, to use emotional information to guide thinking and behaviour, and to manage and/or adjust emotions to adapt to that knowledge.

Daniel Goleman is the father of Emotional intelligence and there’s a link to his website at the end of this blog which you should visit if you’re interested in learning more about how it came to be. My book, Web to Success, ends with a chapter on Emotional intelligence as most of the advice I give leads naturally to that conclusion.

Quotes regarding Emotional intelligence from Web to Success...

‘It’s social intelligence. In a nutshell, it’s being smarter with feelings!’

‘The more aware we are aware of our emotions, the more likely we are to be able to make informed decisions about our life.’

‘‘What shadow do we cast? Followers want feelings of excitement, personal significance and to be part of a community, but above all they want leaders to be authentic. To use the best of you to deliver through others, you need to know yourself and show yourself. Authenticity, self-management, humility, and courage are dimensions of character that when properly developed help leaders avoid derailment’ (Goffee and Jones - ‘Why should anyone follow you) I love that quote; it’s powerful.’

‘As you can see emotional intelligence pulls everything together from all the sections in the self-awareness and emotional awareness sections of this book.’

Want to get started with E.Q.?

Then jump right in with this précis. The full article can be found here


n simple terms, “emotional intelligence” just means being smarter with feelings. It’s about putting together the rational and emotional so you can move forward effectively. Emotions are chemicals that help regulate our minds and bodies, assisting us to cope with complexities of making decisions, interacting with people, and finding our way through life. We feel emotions to help us pay attention, and to focus our attention. While sometimes they’re confusing, emotions are part of us, so we might as well learn to use them well.

You’ve Got Emotional Intelligence – Use It!

Everyone has some emotional intelligence – here’s how to use yours. Start with these three steps:

1. Tune in. Notice your feelings and reactions. Get off autopilot. Know Yourself

2. Respond. Don’t react, take a moment, de-escalate and evaluate options. Choose Yourself

3. Connect. Remember what’s important to you, consider others. Give Yourself

At first glance, it’s really simple, right? You can use these three questions: What am I feeling? What options do I have? What do I really want?

Tips for Emotional Intelligence

First, remember it’s a CYCLE. We might not have the perfect awareness or identify the exact right choice, but as we go around and around this process, it gets easier!

Know Yourself: Everyone has feelings. What are yours? Not just the obvious ones, but the ones hiding in the background? Remember that emotions are data. They’re chemical signals to help us handle threats and opportunities.

Choose Yourself: When a situation starts to heat up, press the pause button. Take a big breathe. Think about it for a moment. There are very few situations that require an instant reaction. Remember you have options. Sometimes they’re hard to see. You can change your thoughts, engage new feelings, experiment with new actions. You might not have “the perfect solution,” but you do have possibilities!

Give Yourself: There’s always more to the story. When people do or say something annoying, get curious: What’s really going on here? Your choices matter. The way you respond affects others, and you, so you affect the future. What’s the effect you want to have?

If you want to read more this article gives you that …


This is a brilliant article on how to hone your Emotional Intelligence... Full article here...



We live in a highly emotive environment where almost everything we experience filters through the lens of our emotions. Sadness, anger, fear or happiness, emotions are real and powerful. It is perplexing that people are so convinced that financial intelligence is the key to success. They are anxious to supposedly, manage their money. Yet, without sound emotional intelligence, your capacity to manage your money will remain elusive at best. Money is only the means not the way. Your emotional disposition will make or break how you deal with money. Think about it, some of the wealthiest people in the world often snap and or lose control due to unmanaged emotions. This is because people are emotional first and rational second. Manage your emotions or they will manage you. Fail to manage them and you become the puppet and your emotions the puppet master. More importantly, by not being in emotional control, it will be difficult to pick up the pieces when things fall apart, as they often do. By managing your emotions, you regain power and control over your life.

Emotional Intelligence is the ability to be aware of and to manage emotions and relationships. It is a critical factor in personal and professional success. Your IQ will get you in the door, but it is your EQ that will ultimately determine how successful you are.

When we become emotionally intelligent, we are better able to respond to challenges rather than reacting. Wherever there are people, you find overcharged emotions. Our emotions go wherever we go – arguments from the night before, relationship matters, financial woes or just family matters all show up with us. Maintaining control in the face of an emotional crisis is a challenge. In his book “Emotional Intelligence”, Daniel Goleman says, “Emotional intelligence is the capacity not only to be aware of and able to express our emotions but to manage and moderate them effectively too. Emotional intelligence is what prevents anger from turning into rage and sadness into despair.”

Here are five steps to improving your emotional competence: Acknowledge what you are feeling; Try to pinpoint what is the cause; Determine what you can or cannot control; Decide what action you can take now; Choose your lane, optimism or pessimism.

By understanding your emotions you are better able to solve the cause of the problem. More importantly, emotions only tell you what you are feeling, but they don’t tell you why you are feeling that way. Emotional intelligence helps you to better validate emotions in yourself and others. Unexpressed emotions soon become like old water, smelly and deadly. Ultimately, your emotions look to you for leadership. They are there to serve you but you must lead the way.

Understand that people are considered noteworthy and extraordinary not because of their IQ, but more so because of their amazing ability to connect with others on an emotional level. Make today the day that you take the lead to improve your emotional intelligence. Now is the perfect time to shift your life paradigm.

Here’s another good article and again the full one can be found here http://www.tribune242.com/news/2012/dec/04/emotional-intelligence-made-simple/


The beauty of EQ exists in the fact that emotions may be manipulated and mastered over time. How can EQ be developed and enhanced? How can an awareness of EQ enhance social and behavioural experiences? Your emotional intelligence can be improved by observing the role emotions play in how you react to people and situations. Ask yourself:

  • Do I rush to judgement before all of the facts are presented? The age old ‘count to ten’ response works wonders! The emotive part of the brain is given time to tame, allowing the rational portion to trump.

  • Do I seek attention for my accomplishments? Truth is, humility can be a wonderful quality and it does not mean that you’re shy or lack self-confidence.

  • What are my weaknesses? Criticism can be constructive and allows you to improve. Knowing that someone is pointing out a flaw or shortcoming in an area is not a personal attack it can actually help you grow professionally and personally.

  • How do I react to stressful situations? The ability to stay calm and in control in difficult situations is highly valued in the business world and outside it. Stop, think, and strategize.

  • Do I tend to take responsibility? Own up to what you have done, and apologise. People are usually more willing to forgive if you make an honest attempt to make things right.

Daniel Goleman developed a framework of five elements that define emotional intelligence and understanding them makes it easier

  1. Self-Awareness – people who present high emotional intelligence are usually very self-aware and understand and keep their emotions in check. They are emotionally secure and as such their responses to internal or external triggers are controlled. Self-awareness allows for honest introspection and evaluation of strengths and weaknesses – many psychologists consider self-awareness to be the most important part of emotional intelligence.

  2. Self-Regulation – the ability to control emotions and impulses, filters. People who self-regulate typically don’t allow themselves to become too angry, jealous, make impulsive or careless decisions. They think before they act.

  3. Motivation – people with a notable measure of EQ are usually self-motivated. They often opt to defer immediate results for long-term goal realization. Moreover, self-motivated people are typically highly productive, challenge embracing and very effective in whatever they do.

  4. Empathy – people who have a clear sense of empathy utilise the ability of understanding. Empathy is perhaps the second-most important element of emotional intelligence. Empathetic people are usually excellent at managing relationships, listening, and relating to others. They avoid stereotyping and rushing to judgement.

  5. Social Skills – it’s usually easy to talk to and like people with good social skills, another sign of high emotional intelligence. Those with strong social skills are typically team players. Rather than focus on their own success first, they help others develop and shine. They can manage disputes, are excellent communicators, and are masters at building and maintaining relationships.

Emotional intelligence is a key factor to success in both your career and personal relationships. The ability to manage people and relationships is very important in all leaders, so developing and using your Emotional Intelligence shows others the leader inside of you. Taking stock of you, your triggers and the way you respond to them is crucial for growth. Keep thinking though, you are good for it.


What It Means to Be an Emotionally Intelligent Person.

Emotional intelligence has to do with a person’s ability to recognize, understand, and manage his or her own emotions and the emotions of others. Emotions can help us solve problems and guide our relationships, both at home and at work. Some people harness the wisdom of emotions better than others. Emotionally intelligent people are easy to spot because they tend to:

  • Successfully manage difficult situations

  • Express themselves clearly

  • Gain respect from others

  • Influence other people

  • Entice other people to help them out

  • Keep cool under pressure

  • Recognize their emotional reactions to people or situations

  • Know how to say the “right” thing to get the right result

  • Manage themselves effectively when negotiating

  • Manage other people effectively when negotiating

  • Motivate themselves to get things done

  • Know how to be positive, even during difficult situations

Even if your EQ is low, you always have the potential to improve. So don’t fret with practice, you can build on your existing skills to become more emotionally intelligent.

Managing Anger with Emotional Intelligence

Hot emotions, such as anger and jealousy, tend to get you into trouble and can be difficult to manage and control. You can use emotional intelligence to turn hot emotions into cool emotions and calm yourself down with these distraction and coping techniques:

  • Distraction: For example, Count to ten. Think of something incompatible with the situation, such as a warm, sunny beach. Use humor or think of a funny situation. Focus on your breathing.

  • Coping: For example, Consider the situation from someone else’s perspective. Take a more realistic look at your situation. Look at the situation as though it happened a long time ago. Focus on the situation, not the emotion. Try to see the situation realistically, not as unrealistically. Be optimistic.

Reading Body Language with Emotional Intelligence

Studies show that your body language communicates up to 50 percent of what you want to say. Paying attention to a person’s body language can help you begin to understand what he or she might really be feeling. Here are some important body-language signs to watch for:

  • Anger: Hands on hips posture or arms folded, pounding heart, sweating and rapid breathing, fists clenched, eyes staring

  • Happy: Relaxed body, smiling, open arms and legs, relaxed and prolonged eye contact

  • Anxious: Restlessness, pounding heart, rapid breathing

  • Interest: Leaning forward

  • Fury: Cold focused stare, loud and rapid speech

  • Sadness: Drooping body, downcast eyes, mouth turned down

  • Surprise: Eyebrows up, wide eyes, mouth open, movement backward

  • Embarrassment: Red or flushed face, looking away from others, avoiding direct eye contact, false smile or grimace.

This article repeats a lot of what’s said before and I make no excuses for that. ..

What is Emotional Intelligence (EQ)?

By Michael Akers & Grover Porter

For most people, emotional intelligence (EQ) is more important than one’s intelligence (IQ) in attaining success in their lives and careers. As individuals our success depends on our ability to read other people’s signals and react appropriately to them. Therefore, each one of us must develop the mature emotional intelligence skills required to better understand, empathize and negotiate with other people, particularly as the economy has become more global. Otherwise, success will elude us in our lives and careers.

Understanding the Five Categories of Emotional Intelligence (EQ)

1. Self-awareness. The ability to recognize an emotion as it “happens” is the key to your EQ. Developing self-awareness requires tuning in to your true feelings. If you evaluate your emotions, you can manage them. The major elements of self-awareness are:

  • Emotional awareness. Your ability to recognize your own emotions and their effects.

  • Self-confidence. Sureness about your self-worth and capabilities.

2. Self-regulation. You often have little control over when you experience emotions. You can, however, have some say in how long an emotion will last by using a number of techniques to alleviate negative emotions such as anger, anxiety or depression. A few of these techniques include recasting a situation in a more positive light, taking a long walk and meditation or prayer. Self-regulation involves

  • Self-control. Managing disruptive impulses.

  • Trustworthiness. Maintaining standards of honesty and integrity.

  • Conscientiousness. Taking responsibility for your own performance.

  • Adaptability. Handling change with flexibility.

  • Innovation. Being open to new ideas.

3. Motivation. To motivate yourself for any achievement requires clear goals and a positive attitude. Although you may have a predisposition to either a positive or a negative attitude, you can with effort and practice learn to think more positively. If you catch negative thoughts as they occur, you can reframe them in more positive terms — which will help you achieve your goals. Motivation is made up of:

  • Achievement drive. Your constant striving to improve or to meet a standard of excellence.

  • Commitment. Aligning with the goals of the group or organization.

  • Initiative. Readying yourself to act on opportunities.

  • Optimism. Pursuing goals persistently despite obstacles and setbacks.

4. Empathy. The ability to recognize how people feel is important to success in your life and career. The more skillful you are at discerning the feelings behind others’ signals the better you can control the signals you send them. An empathetic person excels at:

  • Service orientation. Anticipating, recognizing and meeting clients’ needs.

  • Developing others. Sensing what others need to progress and bolstering their abilities.

  • Leveraging diversity. Cultivating opportunities through diverse people.

  • Political awareness. Reading a group’s emotional currents and power relationships.

  • Understanding others. Discerning the feelings behind the needs and wants of others.

5. Social skills. The development of good interpersonal skills is tantamount to success in your life and career. In today’s always-connected world, everyone has immediate access to technical knowledge. Thus, “people skills” are even more important now because you must possess a high EQ to better understand, empathize and negotiate with others in a global economy. Among the most useful skills are:

  • Influence. Wielding effective persuasion tactics.

  • Communication. Sending clear messages.

  • Leadership. Inspiring and guiding groups and people.

  • Change catalyst. Initiating or managing change.

  • Conflict management. Understanding, negotiating and resolving disagreements.

  • Building bonds. Nurturing instrumental relationships.

  • Collaboration and cooperation. Working with others toward shared goals.

  • Team capabilities. Creating group synergy in pursuing collective goals.

What factors are at play when people of high IQ fail and those of modest IQ succeed?

How well you do in your life and career is determined by both. IQ alone is not enough; EQ also matters. In fact, psychologists generally agree that among the ingredients for success, IQ counts for roughly 10% (at best 25%); the rest depends on everything else — including EQ.

A study of Harvard graduates in business, law, medicine and teaching showed a negative or zero correlation between an IQ indicator (entrance exam scores) and subsequent career success.

Facts about EQ

  • EQ accounts for 58% of your success in life, professional and private!”

  • Only 36% of the people are instantly able to recognize their emotional state”

  • CEO’s have on average the lowest EQ scores!

  • Generation Y has lowest level of Self Management!”

  • Between 2003 and 2012, Average EQ scores rose with 30%!

  • 70% of male leaders in top 15% in descision-making skills score highest in EQ!

  • Chinese executives outperform US exec’s by 15 pts on Relationship Mgt and Self Mgt

  • High IQ outperforms Avg IQ in 20% of time, while Avg IQ outperforms high IQ in 70% of the time.

  • Every point increase in EQ adds 1.300 $ to an annual salary!

  • EI= Self Management+Management other+Self Knowledge+Management other+Self motivation

  • Proven to directly link to leadership success and better predict business success than traditional methods

  • Goleman: 90% of difference between star performers and average performers was attributable to EQ

  • Without EQ, a person with high IQ, great experience and smart ideas won’t be a great leader

  • CEOs have on average the lowest EQ

  • EQ counts for 58% of daily success

Top Emotional Intelligence Quotes…

“There is no separation of mind and emotions; emotions, thinking, and learning are all linked.” Eric Jensen

“We are dangerous when we are not conscious of our responsibility for how we behave, think, and feel.” Marshall B. Rosenberg

“What really matters for success, character, happiness and life long achievements is a definite set of emotional skills – your EQ — not just purely cognitive abilities that are measured by conventional IQ tests.” Daniel Goleman

“We cannot tell what may happen to us in the strange medley of life. But we can decide what happens in us — -how we can take it, what we do with it —- and that is what really counts in the end.” Joseph Fort Newton

“When awareness is brought to an emotion, power is brought to your life.” Tara Meyer Robson

“Where we have strong emotions, we’re liable to fool ourselves.” Carl Sagan

Why Emotional Intelligence?

“75% of careers are derailed for reasons related to emotional competencies, including inability to handle interpersonal problems; unsatisfactory team leadership during times of difficulty or conflict; or inability to adapt to change or elicit trust.” The Center for Creative Leadership

“All learning has an emotional base.” Plato

“As much as 80% of adult “success” comes from EQ.” Daniel Goleman

“Comparing the three domains, I found that for jobs of all kinds, emotional competencies were twice as prevalent among distinguishing competencies as were technical skills and purely cognitive abilities combined. In general the higher a position in an organization, the more EI mattered: for individuals in leadership positions, 85 percent of their competencies were in the EI domain.” Daniel Goleman

“Emotional competence is the single most important personal quality that each of us must develop and access to experience a breakthrough. Only through managing our emotions can we access our intellect and our technical competence. An emotionally competent person performs better under pressure.” Dave Lennick, Executive VP, American Express Financial Advisers

“Emotions are a critical source of information for learning.” Joseph LeDoux

“Emotions are the glue that holds the cells of the organism together.” Candace Pert

“Emotions have taught mankind to reason.” Luc de Clapiers, marquis de Vauvenargues

“I think in the coming decade we will see well-conducted research demonstrating that emotional skills and competencies predict positive outcomes at home with one’s family, in school, and at work. The real challenge is to show that emotional intelligence matters over-and-above psychological constructs that have been measured for decades like personality and IQ. I believe that emotional intelligence holds this promise.” Peter Salovey

“In the last decade or so, science has discovered a tremendous amount about the role emotions play in our lives. Researchers have found that even more than IQ, your emotional awareness and abilities to handle feelings will determine our success and happiness in all walks of life, including family relationships.” John Gottman

“People high in emotional intelligence are expected to progress more quickly through the abilities designated and to master more of them.” Mayer and Salovey

“Cherish your own emotions and never undervalue them.” Robert Henri

“Experience is not what happens to you — it’s how you interpret what happens to you.” Aldous Huxley

“Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else: you are the one who gets burned.” Buddha

“Let’s not forget that the little emotions are the great captains of our lives and we obey them without realizing it.” Vincent Van Gogh

“The essential difference between emotion and reason is that emotion leads to action while reason leads to conclusions.” Donald Calne

“The greatest discovery of my generation is that human beings can alter their lives by altering their attitudes of mind.” William James

“There is no thinking without feeling and no feeling without thinking.” Karen McCown

“You can conquer almost any fear if you will only make up your mind to do so. For remember, fear doesn’t exist anywhere except in the mind.” Dale Carnegie

“Your intellect may be confused, but your emotions will never lie to you.” Roger Ebert

“Any person capable of angering you becomes your master.” Epictetus

“Anyone can be angry – that is easy. But to be angry with the right person, to the right degree, at the right time, for the right purpose, and in the right way – that is not easy.” Aristotle

“Emotion turning back on itself, and not leading on to thought or action, is the element of madness.” John Sterling

“Emotions help keep us on the right track by making sure that we are led by more than cognition.” Maurice Elias

“He who smiles rather than rages is always the stronger.” Japanese proverb

“If we lack emotional intelligence, whenever stress rises the human brain switches to autopilot and has an inherent tendency to do more of the same, only harder. Which, more often than not, is precisely the wrong approach in today’s world.” Robert K. Cooper

“Instead of resisting any emotion, the best way to dispel it is to enter it fully, embrace it and see through your resistance.” Deepak Chopra

“Logic will not change an emotion, but action will.” Anonymous

“Maturity is achieved when a person postpones immediate pleasures for long-term values.” Joshua L. Liebman

“Quick to judge, quick to anger, slow to understand … prejudice, fear and ignorance walk hand-in-hand.” Peart

“The sign of an intelligent people is their ability to control emotions by the application of reason.” Marya Mannes

“To increase your effectiveness, make your emotions subordinate to your commitments.” Brian Koslow

“Women, on average, tend to be more aware of their emotions, show more empathy, and are more adept interpersonally. Men on the other hand, are more self-confident and optimistic, adapt more easily, and handle stress better.” Daniel Goleman

Amazing infographic on Emotional Intelligence...


Free ebook...


Link to the Daniel Goleman site...


Good link to an amazing book...


Other links...



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